LOST, SO LOST THAT I’M FOUND

viandante-mare-nebbia

I used to think that falling was part of my growth process: falling, crying, hating, reacting, raising again, holding on, rebooting, living! As animals we are supposed to follow the same life cycle to maintain a certain balance. Therefore, we are in this planet to push life forward day by day: no excuses, no objections: the rule is severe: “keep fighting or let it go for good”. Darwin was sure of it, so that he distinguished weakened from fighters leaving no hope for the first ones. I guess he was wrong. You know, I’ve touched the bottom a couple of times and still, somehow, I managed to raise and fall again. But this time is different: I’m lost, truly lost. I lost the love of my life once again, I lost friends I used to trust, I lost money, I changed my house, I lost part of my health. I knew I should have been stronger and face Life once again. But I was lost and that’s all I could find in myself. I’ve been lost for months and I still am, but it doesn’t matter anymore ‘cause losing ourselves can be okay, it’s okay not to be okay. In this messy ground I am sitting on, I found myself comfortable and safe. Maybe this time is okay to stop and stare and wait a while until the bruises hurt less. Noises from people that know better than you, tears wetting my pillow, medical exams as reminders on my desk: I don’t shut any of it out anymore. I am lost but I found a way to be lost in peace: I found myself: a person I can always rely on, a great friend ready to listen. I don’t need anybody else: I love me! With my weaknesses and my sexy humor; I love me with my shy strength and my curious appetite for Life. I know now that it’s all About Love and, at least for once in this life cycle, is about ME.

Annunci